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By Stephanie Olsen
From before they were born, our children were loved. So the shock to doting parents as they witness their preschool children turn from cuddly babies into biting toddlers (whose favorite word becomes a very loud NO!) can be somewhat severe.
Although it helps to know that nearly all children of preschool age experience similar stages of development and parents comfort each other with a very tired rendition of ‘this too shall pass’ (as they scurry their own kids safely away from yours), teaching kindness and acceptable behavior becomes more important than ever. Parents, of course, model behaviors and reactions every moment, but there are times when explicit and repeated direction is necessary.
Most of Valentine’s Day at the preschool level is based on making things: decorations for the house; cards to be mailed and others to be given to family members and little friends. Playgroups and play dates can and do plan craft activities, and the times when preschoolers are working (separately but in groups) provide natural opportunities for lessons in helping and sharing.
Store-bought Valentine’s Day cards aren’t necessary at this age. In fact, the more things that are homemade, the more time you get to spend with your preschooler. These blocks of time, when your child is calm and receptive, are great teaching moments.
When your child paints Valentine’s Day pictures to be put in the mail for grandparents who live far away, you help teach the power of love as it reaches across distance and years. When you help him make a heart decoration, gluing cut-outs of little bones or fish, you can remind your enthusiastic preschooler that all pets need ‘gentle’ love.
Focus on a behavior in your preschool child that you’d like to see change. It can even be very specific. For instance, if she’s bitten another child at her preschool, perhaps she can deliver her Valentine sun catcher with a hug and a promise to ‘use her teeth for food’ from now on.
Happy Valentine’s Day.
Yelling at children is nearly universal among parents and produces shame, not behavior change. Practical strategies: recognize your own warning signs of escalation and remove yourself briefly before yelling; lower your voice rather than raising it (a very quiet, calm voice is more arresting than shouting); have prepared scripts for high-frustration moments; address your own sleep deprivation, hunger, and stress (yelling correlates strongly with parent depletion). If yelling is frequent and intense, speaking with a therapist about parenting stress is appropriate and effective.
Moderate anxiety is developmentally normal in preschoolers β fear of the dark, separation anxiety, and fear of new situations are typical from ages 2β6 and generally decrease with development. Signs that anxiety warrants professional attention: pervasive anxiety across many situations, severe separation anxiety that doesn't improve after weeks at a new school, physical symptoms (stomachaches, headaches before anxiety-provoking situations), or anxiety that prevents participation in normal activities. A child therapist specializing in early childhood can assess whether a preschooler's anxiety is within the range of normal development.
Related reading: See also our screen time guidelines and our preschool sleep guide for more ideas on this topic.