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Valentine’s Day and Preschoolers - Lessons In Love

πŸŽ“ Skills Your Child Will Develop

  • 😊 Emotional Security β€” A child who feels emotionally secure β€” whose needs are met consistently by a loving adult β€” develops the confidence, curiosity, and resilience that enable learning and healthy risk-taking in every domain.
  • ⚑ Executive Function β€” Consistent routines, clearly communicated expectations, and age-appropriate responsibilities build the executive function children need to self-regulate, plan ahead, and manage the demands of school and daily life.
  • 🌱 Growth Mindset β€” Parents who praise effort and process rather than ability and outcome build children who believe intelligence can be developed β€” and children with growth mindsets achieve more, persist longer, and embrace challenge rather than avoiding it.
  • πŸ’¬ Language & Communication β€” Rich parent-child conversation β€” especially expanded responses to children's observations and questions β€” is the single most powerful driver of vocabulary growth and language development available.

By Stephanie Olsen

From before they were born, our children were loved. So the shock to doting parents as they witness their preschool children turn from cuddly babies into biting toddlers (whose favorite word becomes a very loud NO!) can be somewhat severe.

Although it helps to know that nearly all children of preschool age experience similar stages of development and parents comfort each other with a very tired rendition of ‘this too shall pass’ (as they scurry their own kids safely away from yours), teaching kindness and acceptable behavior becomes more important than ever. Parents, of course, model behaviors and reactions every moment, but there are times when explicit and repeated direction is necessary.

Teaching Kindness To Preschool Children

Valentine’s Day is a great time to teach preschool children about love and affection, with traits such as generosity and kindness being the goal. The lead-up time to February 14 can be as long as you wish, and you can always depend on the stores to have their decorations out in good time for your child’s interest to be aroused.

Most of Valentine’s Day at the preschool level is based on making things: decorations for the house; cards to be mailed and others to be given to family members and little friends. Playgroups and play dates can and do plan craft activities, and the times when preschoolers are working (separately but in groups) provide natural opportunities for lessons in helping and sharing.

Store-bought Valentine’s Day cards aren’t necessary at this age. In fact, the more things that are homemade, the more time you get to spend with your preschooler. These blocks of time, when your child is calm and receptive, are great teaching moments.

Valentine’s Day Crafts That Teach Love

When your child paints Valentine’s Day pictures to be put in the mail for grandparents who live far away, you help teach the power of love as it reaches across distance and years. When you help him make a heart decoration, gluing cut-outs of little bones or fish, you can remind your enthusiastic preschooler that all pets need ‘gentle’ love.

Focus on a behavior in your preschool child that you’d like to see change. It can even be very specific. For instance, if she’s bitten another child at her preschool, perhaps she can deliver her Valentine sun catcher with a hug and a promise to ‘use her teeth for food’ from now on.

The Greatest Valentine Of All For Your Preschooler

It’s up to you as to what you’ll give your preschooler on Valentine’s Day, although thankfully this is not really another gift-centered holiday. And whatever you choose will pale in comparison with that most important gift of all, which you give to your child every day of your life: love.

Happy Valentine’s Day.




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Helpful Tips for Parents

  • Children need connection before they can accept correction. A child who feels genuinely heard and loved is far more receptive to limits than one who feels disconnected.
  • Find parenting support β€” a group, a therapist, trusted experienced parents. Parenting in isolation is harder and produces worse outcomes than parenting in community.
  • Consistency is the most powerful parenting tool. A rule enforced 90% of the time teaches children that the rule applies 90% of the time β€” full stop.
  • Praise the effort, not the outcome: "You worked so hard on that" rather than "You're so smart." Effort praise builds resilience; outcome praise builds fragility.

Frequently Asked Questions

How do I stop yelling at my preschooler?

Yelling at children is nearly universal among parents and produces shame, not behavior change. Practical strategies: recognize your own warning signs of escalation and remove yourself briefly before yelling; lower your voice rather than raising it (a very quiet, calm voice is more arresting than shouting); have prepared scripts for high-frustration moments; address your own sleep deprivation, hunger, and stress (yelling correlates strongly with parent depletion). If yelling is frequent and intense, speaking with a therapist about parenting stress is appropriate and effective.

My preschooler seems very anxious. Is this normal?

Moderate anxiety is developmentally normal in preschoolers β€” fear of the dark, separation anxiety, and fear of new situations are typical from ages 2–6 and generally decrease with development. Signs that anxiety warrants professional attention: pervasive anxiety across many situations, severe separation anxiety that doesn't improve after weeks at a new school, physical symptoms (stomachaches, headaches before anxiety-provoking situations), or anxiety that prevents participation in normal activities. A child therapist specializing in early childhood can assess whether a preschooler's anxiety is within the range of normal development.

Related reading: See also our screen time guidelines and our preschool sleep guide for more ideas on this topic.