Helpful Tips for Parents

• Find parenting support — a group, a therapist, trusted experienced parents. Parenting in isolation is harder and produces worse outcomes than parenting in community.

• Consistency is the most powerful parenting tool. A rule enforced 90% of the time teaches children that the rule applies 90% of the time — full stop.

• Natural consequences (the consequence that actually flows from the behavior) are more powerful teaching tools than imposed consequences, because the learning is inherent rather than arbitrary.

• Preschoolers cannot reason during a meltdown — the rational brain goes offline when the stress response is activated. Wait for calm before problem-solving or discussing the behavior.

Frequently Asked Questions

How do I handle a preschooler who lies?

Preschooler lying is developmentally normal from approximately age 3, when children develop the cognitive capacity for intentional deception (Theory of Mind). It's actually a sign of healthy development. Respond to lies without excessive drama: "I think that might not be exactly what happened. It's important to tell the truth. Let's talk about what actually happened." Avoid setting up no-win confession situations ("Did you eat the cookie?" when you know the answer). Model truth-telling — children who see parents tell convenient lies will lie.

Related reading: See also our preschool sleep guide and our social skills guide for more ideas on this topic.

🎓 Skills Your Child Will Develop

• 💪 Resilience & Grit — Children whose parents normalize struggle, celebrate effort over outcome, and model recovery from failure develop the resilience and perseverance that predict success in school, relationships, and professional life.
• 🧠 Self-Regulation Skills — Children whose parents respond to big emotions with empathy and calm guidance learn to regulate their own emotional responses — one of the most important predictors of school success and long-term wellbeing.
• 🤝 Social-Emotional Development — Secure parent-child attachment provides the emotional safe base from which children confidently explore the world, form friendships, and develop the social competence that every other developmental milestone builds on.
• 📚 Early Literacy Foundation — Daily shared reading, access to books, and language-rich environments at home are the most powerful predictors of reading success — and parental reading habits shape children's reading identities for life.

Preschoolers and Temper Tantrums

If you can think of temper tantrums as no more than another step in the development of your preschooler, the incidents become immediately less stressful.

Of course, it's never pleasant (or easy to objectify) when your previously compliant toddler starts whining, kicking and screaming when crossed - especially when you're out in public and sure to receive dirty looks and a surprising amount of unwanted advice.

Wherever you are, though, stay absolutely calm throughout and ignore the tantrum as much as possible. Because preschoolers have no inhibitions whatever, any pleas for silence will go completely unheeded or indeed give your child the attention s/he seeks.

Development of Preschoolers and Temper Tantrums

Two-year old children are often irritated by their inability to make themselves understood. It's a feeling you'll sympathize with if you've ever studied a foreign language: you can comprehend a fair amount long before you can utter a word.

They talk, point, and stare at an object of desire - making every effort to clearly state a request. The disturbance begins when the adult does not comply, either ignoring the "baby talk" and responding with what must seem like a non sequitur ( Mommy loves Pookins too! ) or understanding but saying "no", and giving an absolutely acceptable (to an adult) reason: a breakable object, a too-expensive toy in a store.

In addition to communication woes, preschool children are experiencing a time of great physical mobility and are also ready to start pushing the limits of their new-

found independence. Certainly, it's a time when fast and headstrong toddlers can put themselves in great danger. Who hasn't seen parents and caregivers in full pursuit of escaping charges, usually yelling urgent directives and commands, like "Stop!" and "Come back!". Is it any wonder parents of teens go through periods of debilitating d j vu a decade or so after surviving this preschool stage?

Physical Needs and Temper Tantrums

With all our maturity, reasoning ability and self-control, tired adults don't have the patience they normally do when well-rested; they're a little crankier, a little quicker to get frustrated with a situation or problem. Think of how much more out of control a tired preschooler is. One "no" and your child descends into a screaming frenzy.

Hunger affects temperament in much the same way - hungry kids are cranky kids. Most times hunger-based tantrums occur when the best-laid plans have gone awry: moms get caught snack-less, like in the car on the way home from an event, or while in a long line at the grocery store check-out.

Taming the Temper Tantrum

Clearly, careful planning and work-arounds can prevent some temper tantrums. Keep healthy snacks and fresh water in diaper bags or in your carry-all. Store precious knick-knacks out of sight at home to prevent a battle of wills. Keep your preschooler safely strapped in the shopping cart seat and stay out of toy aisles. If you recognize the signs of approaching mayhem, abandon the trip completely and focus on the needs of the child.

If your preschooler has been having tantrums frequently when you're out in public, first eliminate any unnecessary trips. If you must take the child along, try a few extremely short trips and be sure to use behavior- or incident-specific praise. ("You waited so nicely in line!"). Hopefully you'll reinforce conduct you wish to see in future, and also prevent negative attention-getting