Helpful Tips for Parents

• Positive attention — catching children being good — is more effective than negative attention at shaping behavior. "Thank you for putting your shoes away" reinforces the behavior far more than reprimanding forgetting.

• The sibling relationship is the most important social training ground in a child's life. Managing sibling conflict skillfully — without taking sides — develops conflict resolution skills that persist for decades.

Frequently Asked Questions

How do I handle my preschooler's fear of the dark?

Fear of the dark is nearly universal in preschoolers and peaks around ages 3–5 before naturally decreasing as the child's understanding of the real world becomes more sophisticated. Helpful approaches: a nightlight (reduces the unknown), a flashlight the child controls (agency), reading non-scary books together, role-playing with a "brave superhero" persona, and a predictable bedtime routine that ends in a calm, familiar state. Never mock or dismiss the fear — validate it ("The dark can feel scary. You're safe in your room.") and then address it practically.

Related reading: See also our preschool sleep guide and our social skills guide for more ideas on this topic.

🎓 Skills Your Child Will Develop

• 🧩 Problem-Solving Mindset — Parents who coach children through problems rather than solving them are building the independent problem-solving disposition that distinguishes capable, resilient learners from dependent, avoidant ones.
• 📚 Early Literacy Foundation — Daily shared reading, access to books, and language-rich environments at home are the most powerful predictors of reading success — and parental reading habits shape children's reading identities for life.
• 🎯 Intrinsic Motivation — Parents who follow children's interests, respond to their curiosity, and avoid over-directing play raise children with strong intrinsic motivation — the engine that sustains learning without external rewards.
• 💪 Resilience & Grit — Children whose parents normalize struggle, celebrate effort over outcome, and model recovery from failure develop the resilience and perseverance that predict success in school, relationships, and professional life.

Solving Preschooler Sleep Problems

A harried mom of four preschoolers admits that her pre-kid corporate talent for brainstorming and coming up with creative solutions to complex problems has completely gone by the wayside. Why? With lack of sleep, she's lost the ability to focus and think imaginatively.

Still, when your preschooler has trouble either getting to bed or staying there, it becomes imperative to problem-solve. The situation becomes especially acute if there are other preschoolers at home or you are unable to get a nap in during the day.

Sleep deprivation isn't just about crankiness or loss of concentration, as if that weren't enough. It can make you fat too. Really! A 2005 UK study shows there's a link between preschoolers who don't get enough sleep and obesity. Too little sleep actually changes their body mechanisms (and preschoolers can require up to twelve hours sleep in one 24-hour cycle). Adults getting less than five hours a night mess up their bodies as well, and even get false hunger signals sent from a tired stomach.

The Bedtime Routine

Most parents understand that children function best when they know what to expect. As your preschooler develops, the time s/he goes to bed will change. However, the routine shouldn't alter much. Preferably wind up every evening with one or both parents involved in calming activities with the child such as reading stories or coloring together. A light snack, easy to digest with a small drink, bath time, and it's off to bed.

You'll need to be disciplined about it and aware of the clock. Preschoolers accept announcements like: "It's seven-thirty. Would you like daddy to read this book or would you like to color?" Always rushing the routine or starting it too late defeats the purpose. Once in a while, though, life will interfere and you can use that as a teaching moment. ("I know you're sad we didn't get to color together tonight, but we'll do a special picture tomorrow morning.")

Getting Out of Bed

There are many reasons why children wake up and get out of bed after falling asleep, and you'll have to go through a process of elimination specific to your child.

By the way, if it's simply a bathroom pit-stop, keep the nightlights burning instead of turning on the hallway and bathroom overhead lights. Hopefully your child won't wake up completely, and you'll be able to lead him or her straight back to bed.

However, if getting up has become a nightly practice, not related to being sick or having nightmares, review your preschooler's pre-bed snack. It may be too large or energy-dense to encourage sleep. It might be something external, like the weather: a string of rainy days may mean your child hasn't had the opportunity to run off all that preschooler energy, and so doesn't need as much sleep as usual.

Perhaps your child, once awake, doesn't know how to go back to sleep without your presence. If that's the case, try using an object to replace you. One parent had great success when she gave her daughter a soft doll she'd owned as a child. Even if you haven't got an old Raggedy Ann lying about, you can pick out a stuffed toy to be used just for that purpose.

If you're too tired to implement any of the foregoing, take heart. You can't get them to sleep now - but soon, when they're teenagers, you won't be able to get them out of bed til noon!

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Preschool Parenting is Copyright 2006 - Stephanie Olsen

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