Helpful Tips for Parents

• Praise the effort, not the outcome: "You worked so hard on that" rather than "You're so smart." Effort praise builds resilience; outcome praise builds fragility.

• Parent self-care is not optional — it's functional. A parent who is rested, supported, and regulated manages child behavior more effectively than an exhausted one. Put on your own oxygen mask first.

• Children who feel capable and competent have fewer behavioral issues. Giving children real responsibilities (chores, choices, contributions) is more effective prevention than any discipline strategy.

• Child development knowledge is the foundation of effective parenting. Understanding what is developmentally normal prevents enormous amounts of unnecessary conflict and worry.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is gentle parenting, and is it effective?

Gentle parenting emphasizes emotional connection, positive reinforcement, and natural consequences over punishment-based discipline. Research supports many of its core principles — particularly the importance of emotional attunement, positive attention, and consistent limits. However, "gentle parenting" as a philosophy sometimes underemphasizes the importance of structure and consistent limits, which children need as much as warmth. The most evidence-supported approach combines the warmth and attunement of gentle parenting with the clear, consistent limits of authoritative parenting.

Related reading: See also our managing tantrums guide and our positive discipline guide for more ideas on this topic.

🎓 Skills Your Child Will Develop

• 🧩 Problem-Solving Mindset — Parents who coach children through problems rather than solving them are building the independent problem-solving disposition that distinguishes capable, resilient learners from dependent, avoidant ones.
• 😊 Emotional Security — A child who feels emotionally secure — whose needs are met consistently by a loving adult — develops the confidence, curiosity, and resilience that enable learning and healthy risk-taking in every domain.
• ⚡ Executive Function — Consistent routines, clearly communicated expectations, and age-appropriate responsibilities build the executive function children need to self-regulate, plan ahead, and manage the demands of school and daily life.
• 🌱 Growth Mindset — Parents who praise effort and process rather than ability and outcome build children who believe intelligence can be developed — and children with growth mindsets achieve more, persist longer, and embrace challenge rather than avoiding it.

Holiday Visiting and Your Preschooler

Family visits with a preschooler (or two) in tow can be exciting for all concerned. They can also be a challenge. Holiday dinners and family reunions are best handled if the short attention spans and high energy levels of preschool children are anticipated and planned for.

Preschool Food Choices

If you know your preschooler is happier with favorite foods from home, then load up and lug them along. Far better for her to be chowing down on Cheerios than disgustedly chucking up chutney (all over grandma's prized Yen Linh clutch). If you're worried that your child isn't getting a balanced meal, with the rich desserts filling tiny tummies, use perspective to balance your view. Occasional over-indulgence is a treat - a few days a year is not going to make a perceptible difference - but the memories of family fun and togetherness will certainly last a lifetime.

Another wonderful discovery many first-time parents make is that young children are truly in tune with their bodies and know the food they lack. Instead of denying your preschooler another decorated cookie, offer a small array of healthy alternates as well. It's reassuring to see

that little hand reach over the sweet to a bright green bean or broccoli floret, and there's no power struggle to deal with.

Use Family Members

Older cousins usually surprise even themselves with how much they enjoy playing with their younger relatives. It's not a 'burden' for a 10 year old to sit on the floor with his 3-year old cousin, building enormous towers of blocks. The older child (often bored by the seemingly endless adult conversation and laughter), feels useful and can have a lot of fun, teaching his cousin skills through play. Elderly relatives or those not usually able to babysit per se, can spend one-on-one time with your child by reading a favorite book or two (which you've brought with you).

Time Out TV

With many families traveling long distances by air and road to get together over the holidays, electronic games and videos are a great way for a tired toddler to while away the hours. Bringing some sure-fire favorites from home (plus a new DVD or CD-ROM for variety) can be a source of entertainment for her and a break for you.

Don't hesitate to bring the player into the restaurant or relative's home, either - with headphones, your child's program won't bother anyone, and it gives you time for uninterrupted adult conversation.

Dancing Off The Energy

Probably the most acceptable method of preschoolers running off steam during a long family get-together is dancing. (And it's really cute, too.) If you're at a sit-down dinner where music isn't being offered, any percussion or music toy (suitably subdued as not to drive extended family wild) can certainly be used.

A little hand-clapping to encourage her, and your whirling dervish may never stop!

Sometimes nothing works but a cuddle, and don't be surprised if your preschooler - who graduated to sippy-cup long ago - regresses a little. Bring along a bottle, and get her pull-ups ready. When the excitement's died down and routine re-established, the recently learned skills will quickly return.

I'm Stephanie Olsen , the Preschool Parenting writer for PreschoolRock.com. As a mom of two and a freelance writer, I enjoy writing about parenting as well as exchanging ideas and opinions with other parents. If you have any suggestions or questions about this site, please contact me .

HOME | ABOUT US | CONTAC