Helpful Tips for Parents

• Natural consequences (the consequence that actually flows from the behavior) are more powerful teaching tools than imposed consequences, because the learning is inherent rather than arbitrary.

• Praise the effort, not the outcome: "You worked so hard on that" rather than "You're so smart." Effort praise builds resilience; outcome praise builds fragility.

• Parent self-care is not optional — it's functional. A parent who is rested, supported, and regulated manages child behavior more effectively than an exhausted one. Put on your own oxygen mask first.

• Children who feel capable and competent have fewer behavioral issues. Giving children real responsibilities (chores, choices, contributions) is more effective prevention than any discipline strategy.

Frequently Asked Questions

How much say should a preschooler have in family decisions?

Preschoolers benefit developmentally from meaningful choices within adult-set parameters. The rule: never offer a choice you can't honor, and never ask "do you want to" before mandatory activities. "Do you want to put on shoes or go in socks?" (both are options) is appropriate. "Do you want to go to preschool today?" (not a real option) is not. Choices build autonomy and decision-making skills; unlimited choice creates overwhelm and insecurity. The goal is a child who feels genuinely heard within a structured, safe environment.

Related reading: See also our screen time guidelines and our preschool sleep guide for more ideas on this topic.

🎓 Skills Your Child Will Develop

• 💬 Language & Communication — Rich parent-child conversation — especially expanded responses to children's observations and questions — is the single most powerful driver of vocabulary growth and language development available.
• 🧩 Problem-Solving Mindset — Parents who coach children through problems rather than solving them are building the independent problem-solving disposition that distinguishes capable, resilient learners from dependent, avoidant ones.
• 😊 Emotional Security — A child who feels emotionally secure — whose needs are met consistently by a loving adult — develops the confidence, curiosity, and resilience that enable learning and healthy risk-taking in every domain.
• ⚡ Executive Function — Consistent routines, clearly communicated expectations, and age-appropriate responsibilities build the executive function children need to self-regulate, plan ahead, and manage the demands of school and daily life.

Teaching the Gift of Giving to Your Preschooler

The holiday season is a wonderful time to be able to teach your preschool child generosity and empathy, simply by setting examples and encouraging participation. A three to four-year old who is ready developmentally (ie., is taking on a little responsibility; learning cooperation, and showing a strong desire for approval), can reap lifelong benefits from these early lessons in helpfulness.

Giving to Toy Banks

Remembering that the concept of ownership is difficult for younger preschoolers, donating to toy banks is best done by using a "twin" toy. Buy two of the same item - one for your child and one as the donation item. Because it's a painless donation, the positive feedback (an actual thank you from the charitable organization staff member and/or your own praise for your preschooler's action plus a comment as to how happy the recipient child will be) is unclouded and the joy of giving is just that.

When your child is ready to either give up a gently used toy or choose a new one specifically for the toy drive, then the act will become even more meaningful.

Fostering Animals

One family with two older preschoolers fosters puppies and dogs. With both parents avid animal lovers, it's a natural outreach for them to help creatures in need and teaches their children a form of volunteerism and responsibility by example.

With donations of toys or baked goods for fundraising purposes always needed, the children can become involved in other aspects of the charitable organization, even attending the actual flea markets and bake sales with one parent or caregiver while the other volunteers at a stand.

Adopting Grandparents

Senior homes can be lonely places for some residents if family members live far away or are deceased. You don't have to be without a full set or two of your own preschooler's grandparents to spend time with some seniors on Christmas Day.

Of course, you can choose any group of special interest to you: check newcomer's societies, hospitals or hospices, or children's homes in your city. Your local church is a good place to call to see if there's an elderly person or family in need who might appreciate some holiday cheer.

Besides spending time with the person of your choice over the holidays, you can involve your preschooler in making a little homemade gift . This personalizes the event even more for your child (and for the recipient), and you may well find yourself actually forming an ongoing relationship from that one act of kindness.

Teaching kindness throughout the year, by our actions and through explanation, is something we as parents and caregivers do almost automatically. The extra effort we make and time we put in to be of service in our community, whether volunteering to help a stranger or just brightening a neighbor's day , is an extension of that automatic kindness. In order for that to become second-nature to our children later in their lives, we need to teach our children young.

I'm Stephanie Olsen , the Preschool Parenting writer for PreschoolRock.com. As a mom of two and a freelance writer, I enjoy writing about parenting as well as exchanging ideas and opinions with other parents. If you have any suggestions or questions about this site, please contact me .

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