Helpful Tips for Parents
- Children who feel capable and competent have fewer behavioral issues. Giving children real responsibilities (chores, choices, contributions) is more effective prevention than any discipline strategy.
- Natural consequences (the consequence that actually flows from the behavior) are more powerful teaching tools than imposed consequences, because the learning is inherent rather than arbitrary.
- The sibling relationship is the most important social training ground in a child's life. Managing sibling conflict skillfully — without taking sides — develops conflict resolution skills that persist for decades.
- Model the behavior you want to see. Children learn far more from observation of parents than from any instruction. If you want a patient child, model patience.
Frequently Asked Questions
My preschooler seems very anxious. Is this normal?
Moderate anxiety is developmentally normal in preschoolers — fear of the dark, separation anxiety, and fear of new situations are typical from ages 2–6 and generally decrease with development. Signs that anxiety warrants professional attention: pervasive anxiety across many situations, severe separation anxiety that doesn't improve after weeks at a new school, physical symptoms (stomachaches, headaches before anxiety-provoking situations), or anxiety that prevents participation in normal activities. A child therapist specializing in early childhood can assess whether a preschooler's anxiety is within the range of normal development.
Related reading: See also our managing tantrums guide and our positive discipline guide for more ideas on this topic.
🎓 Skills Your Child Will Develop
- 🌱 Growth Mindset — Parents who praise effort and process rather than ability and outcome build children who believe intelligence can be developed — and children with growth mindsets achieve more, persist longer, and embrace challenge rather than avoiding it.
- 💬 Language & Communication — Rich parent-child conversation — especially expanded responses to children's observations and questions — is the single most powerful driver of vocabulary growth and language development available.
- 🧩 Problem-Solving Mindset — Parents who coach children through problems rather than solving them are building the independent problem-solving disposition that distinguishes capable, resilient learners from dependent, avoidant ones.
- 😊 Emotional Security — A child who feels emotionally secure — whose needs are met consistently by a loving adult — develops the confidence, curiosity, and resilience that enable learning and healthy risk-taking in every domain.
By Maria Connor
Children as young as 18 months are able to help with simple chores around the house, but for preschoolers, hands-on helping is an opportunity to grow and learn. By giving their preschooler responsibilities and a chance to master new skills, parents are encouraging independence and building strong self-confidence.
Set Up for Success
Many parents are tempted to do things for their preschooler because it is easier and faster. There are a few tricks parents can use to make preschooler chores fun and manageable.
Set realistic expectations. Parents who go behind a preschooler and "fix" something, like refolding towels, are sending their child a message that his effort wasn't good enough. It takes time and practice to get good at something, and preschoolers should be encouraged for what they do accomplish.
Factor in time. Preschoolers are curious and playful, so a simple chore like putting away canned goods can turn into building a pyramid or rolling cans across the floor. Gentle reminders will keep preschoolers on track. It is also a good idea to let preschoolers start a task when they have plenty of time to complete it.
Make chores kid-friendly. Sometimes a few simple modifications can make chores easier for preschoolers. Hang coats on hooks instead of hangers. Use plastic dishes and cups. Pre-portion snacks into small plastic containers. Buy clothing in one or two complimentary colors.
Turn chore time into lesson time. Whether setting the table or weeding the garden, chores can easily be turned into a learning opportunity. Preschoolers can count forks, talk about family relationships, discover how plants grow, explore textures and colors, and much more.
Let preschoolers help whenever possible. A busy child is a happy child, and that means less whining and nagging. For example, instead of trying to entertain a bored preschooler in the grocery store, parents can let him look for certain items or cross them off a list.
Create a To Do list. An easy way to empower preschoolers is to create a list with words and pictures that will remind them of their responsibilities. They can help create the To Do list by cutting out pictures from magazines. Parents can then write a simple one or two word phrase. Hang the list on the refrigerator or other central location.
Encourage responsibility. Parents can teach preschoolers to be proud of their accomplishments with a simple sticker chart or reward system. Some parents allow a special treat like extra story time when a jar is filled with marbles, which their preschooler receives when a chore is finished. Other parents create a monthly calendar and their preschooler receive a special sticker for every day he did his chores.
Age-Appropriate Chores for Preschoolers
Feed the family pet
Carry in the mail
Dress themselves
Wipe table with damp cloth
Sort laundry
Clear and set the table
Put away recyclables
Locate items in the grocery store
Wash hands
Walk pets
Dust
Put away groceries
Pick up toys
Help with meal preparation
Water plants
Fold towels
Wipe up spills
Put books on shelf
Empty wastebaskets
Make their bed
Use a small or lightweight vacuum
By pitching in, preschoolers learn about cooperation and teamwork. They learn about taking care of themselves and their belongings. Preschoolers who have assigned chores also develop an awareness that everyone in the family can – and should -- contribute and participate.
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