Consider the Cause

Preschoolers often exhibit unusual behavior during times when they are stressed or experiencing a lot of change in their lives. If your preschooler suddenly becomes upset at preschool drop offs try and determine whether an outside event in their life is causing them stress that could be to blame for their anxiety. The cause could be as complex as a parent's divorce or a new baby in the family or as simple as needing additional sleep due to a growth spurt. Try talking to your preschooler to determine what he feels is most stressful in his life at the time. Preschoolers can be very insightful if given the chance to voice their feelings.

If the cause of your preschooler's anxiety is not obvious, try talking to your child's preschool teacher to determine if there has been a change in the classroom dynamics. Preschool teachers often see a different side to your preschooler than you see at home and maybe be able to fill you in on any problems that may have come up while your preschooler is at school.

Be Consistent at Drop Off Time

Most of the time, phases of difficult drop offs are not caused by your preschooler being unhappy at preschool. Chances are it is just a phase that your preschooler is going through and will likely pass with time. If problems at drop off go on for a long period of time you may want to consider whether or not your preschooler is happy in their current preschool program, the majority of difficult drop offs do not indicate a problem at preschool.

As a parent, it is important to show your preschooler that you trust that they will be safe and happy while they are at preschool. Be confident when dropping your preschooler off at school. Give your preschooler a quick hug and kiss and be clear about when they can expect you to come back and get them. Since preschoolers do not have a firm grasp of the passage of time, it is helpful to tell your preschooler "After you have snack, and do a craft project I will come back to get you". It is tempting to stay with your preschooler until they are completely comfortable staying at preschool on their own but that will only encourage your preschooler to act up at future drop offs in order to get you to stay.

Be an Observant Parent

As a parent, you know your preschooler best. You can determine whether you feel your preschooler is genuinely upset or trying to manipulate your emotions to get what they want. Everyone has a bad day sometimes and your preschooler is no different. If your preschooler is usually calm at drop off time it will stand out more if they become upset. Encourage your preschooler to verbalize their needs. He may tell you that he is tired that day or needs to spend some time with you. Sometimes your preschooler may simply want to tell you what they are feeling and then they will happily go to preschool. Other times your preschooler may need a day off to deal with whatever stresses are bothering them.

Be careful about letting your preschooler miss too many days of school in a row. Preschoolers are creatures of habit and they may become anxious about returning to preschool after being away for too long. Holidays or illnesses that last several days can be enough to disrupt your preschoolers schedule and make them anxious when returning to preschool.

Additional Articles About Separation Anxiety

Preparing Your Child to Start Preschool

Coping with Separation Anxiety at Preschool

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Helpful Tips for Parents

• Answer "why" questions fully and honestly. A child who gets real answers to their questions develops deeper curiosity than one whose questions are dismissed or oversimplified.

• Screen learning (educational apps and videos) supplements but never replaces human interaction as a teaching medium. Learning happens most efficiently in social, conversational contexts.

Frequently Asked Questions

When should formal education begin for preschoolers?

Play-based learning is the developmentally appropriate educational mode for children from birth through age 6–7. Formal academic instruction (sitting at desks, worksheets, direct phonics drills) before age 6 consistently produces short-term knowledge gains but long-term motivation losses. The children with the richest preschool play experiences often outperform academically drilled peers by age 8, when the developmental advantage of play-based executive function development becomes apparent in school performance.

Related reading: See also our vocabulary building guide and our counting activities for more ideas on this topic.

🎓 Skills Your Child Will Develop

• 📚 Pre-Reading Skills — Activities that involve letters, sounds, rhymes, and print directly build the phonological awareness and letter knowledge that are the two strongest predictors of successful reading development.
• 🧠 Memory & Recall — Remembering rules, retelling a story in sequence, and practicing skills to automaticity builds working memory and long-term recall — the cognitive foundation that learning in every subject depends on.
• ⚡ Executive Function — Planning, sequencing steps, holding rules in mind while acting, and stopping a prepotent response all build executive function — the cluster of cognitive skills most strongly predictive of long-term academic and life success.
• 🤔 Critical Thinking — Being asked "why do you think that?" and forming and defending an answer develops the analytical reasoning children need for reading comprehension, mathematics, and evidence-based argumentation.

Preschoolers are an unpredictable bunch. You never quite know what they are going to throw at you. Chances are, if you have a child attending a preschool program, at some point you are going to face a difficult drop off. Even preschoolers who typically enjoy going to preschool and who are generally confident in social situations can occasionally go through a phase where they struggle at preschool drop offs.