Ask the Preschool Teacher: Pam Koons

Getting preschoolers to open up about their day can feel like pulling teeth, but one simple conversation starter can transform those one-word answers into storytelling gold. In this interview with experienced early childhood educator Pam Koons, we're learning her favorite technique for helping little ones reflect on their experiences and build confidence in sharing their thoughts.

What You'll Need

• A quiet, comfortable spot to sit together
• A notebook or small whiteboard (optional)
• Your full attention—phones away!
• Picture books or photo albums (optional, to spark memories)
• A warm snack or drink to make it feel special
• Patience and an open mind

How to Do It

1. Choose the right moment. Pick a calm time when your child isn't rushed, hungry, or overstimulated—perhaps during a snack, in the car, or before bed. Let them know you'd love to hear about their day.

2. Ask specific, open-ended questions. Instead of "How was school?" try "Who did you play with today?" or "What made you laugh?" Specific prompts give children an easier entry point into conversation.

3. Listen more than you talk. When your child shares something, resist the urge to immediately correct, judge, or launch into your own story. A simple "Tell me more about that" shows genuine interest.

4. Share your own stories first. Model the behavior you want to see by telling your child about your day in vivid, age-appropriate details. This gives them permission to do the same.

5. Create a routine. Make this a regular practice—perhaps a special "connection time" each day. Consistency helps children feel safe enough to open up.

6. Celebrate their willingness to share. Whether they tell you a detailed account or just a few words, affirm their effort with genuine enthusiasm.

🎓 Skills Your Child Will Develop

Communication and Language — Expressing thoughts and experiences builds vocabulary and confidence in speaking.

Memory and Sequencing — Recalling events in order strengthens cognitive abilities and helps organize thoughts logically.

Emotional Awareness — Talking about feelings and experiences helps children understand and name their emotions.

Social Understanding — Discussing relationships and interactions deepens their grasp of social dynamics and empathy.

Confidence and Self-Expression — Being heard and valued boosts self-esteem and encourages authentic self-disclosure.

Tips & Variations

• For shy children: Start with visual prompts like looking through photos together, which can spark memories without the pressure of "telling."
• For chatterboxes: Ask follow-up questions to help them dive deeper rather than skipping from topic to topic.
• Make it playful: Use silly voices, draw pictures together, or act out their stories to keep engagement high and stress-free.

My Two Cents

The magic isn't in any special technique—it's in showing up with genuine curiosity and giving your child the gift of being truly heard. When children feel safe to share, they're not just practicing communication skills; they're building a foundation of trust that lasts a lifetime.

Questions to Ask Your Child

Use these open-ended prompts to extend the learning during or after the activity:

• "What was the hardest part? What made it tricky?"
• "What would happen if we made the rules a little different?"
• "Can you teach me how to do your favorite part?"
• "What would you add to make this even more fun?"
• "What did you notice while we were doing this?"
• "How would this be different if we played it outside?"

There are no right or wrong answers to any of these questions. The goal is to keep the conversation going, model curious thinking, and give your child practice putting their experience into words.

Making It a Learning Moment

The best activities for preschoolers look like play but work like school. As children run, build, sort, and create, their brains are mapping space, practicing sequencing, building vocabulary, and learning to regulate emotion — all at the same time. Your role during the activity matters enormously: children whose caregivers narrate, question, and celebrate alongside them develop language skills 6–8 months ahead of those who play alone. You don't need to teach directly — just being present, curious, and enthusiastic is enough.

Adapting for Different Ages

Ages 2–3: Simplify the rules significantly — focus on one or two steps maximum. Short attention spans mean the activity should be flexible and forgiving. Follow the child's lead rather than directing the play.

Ages 4–5: Add challenge and structure. Introduce counting, sequencing ("first... then... finally"), or light competition (racing against a timer rather than against each other). Ask them to explain the rules to a younger sibling.

Mixed ages: Let older children be the "helpers" or "teachers." Explaining something to someone else is one of the most powerful ways to solidify a child's own understanding.